The first movie is Das Leben der Anderen, in English it is “The Lives of Others.” Even J liked this one. Its a film about the GDR and its Stasi (German police) in East Germany and their spying techniques on local artists. Of course, its a little more detailed than that, but I won’t spoil it for you. Lets just say its about character, the effects of social milieus, and the price of morality in Communist Germany. Excellent movie. I might even watch it again.

The next movie that I just finished a few hours ago is Le Fils de l’epicier , translated “The Grocer’s Son.” This one is a French film about a man living in the city forced to return home to Provence after 10 years to work his father’s country grocery store. Oh, poor guy has to live in Provence. The store is not really a store but a traveling deli van that delivers goods to the elderly living way out in the country. The son is cranky and difficult to get a long with. He resents being home and his father, while at the same time is dealing with unrequited for a girlfriend. The trip home is a good way to prove his feelings, but ultimately ends up disastrous. There’s more to it, again. Family feuds, personal struggles and finding oneself. The background is beautiful and the scenes quaint. Makes me want to move to France and raise sheep. I, of course, loved the feisty old women and that everyone eats “tins of peas.” I may just eat them myself.

Next we have Hors de prix. This is another French film staring Audrey Tautou from such films as Le Fabuleux destin d’Amelie Poulain (Amelie, 2001) and my favorite Dirty, Pretty, Things. This one is a bit different than the above. It’s a cute romantic comedy; not exactly thought-provoking but it’s entertaining. Like I said, it’s a romantic comedy. ‘Nuff said.

Finally, I recommend Lars and the Real Girl. This one I watched last month, but I just can’t stop thinking about it. In fact I watched it twice in the same day. It’s about a small country town up north, probably Minnesota somewhere, and how they deal with Lars, an awkward chap who just doesn’t deal well with real people. It also stars some of my favorite actresses Emily Mortimer and Patricia Clarkson. All of the characters are wonderful in this movie. I highly recommend it.

I’ve been using all this movie time to work on my socks. I’m nearly done with the first one. They are of the toe-up variety. My first attempt at this “easier” sock pattern. Toe-up socks are a bit easier; it just takes a little while to decipher the directions. Once you get those down its a piece of cake, especially the heel since its exactly like the toe. I’d supply you with a picture, but J can’t find the camera.

When I was younger, New Year’s Eve was always a magical time. I loved staying up late and staring down the clock for the exact moment the time changed. It was even better than Xmas, well, in a different way, I guess. It could have been that I just liked getting to stay up late. At the same time, there was something special about the thought of new beginnings, a chance to do everything different. Nothing changed, mind you. But the thought was there and there was something so refreshing about it. This year it was kind of blah. I looked up from charting and it was like “oh, its midnight, time to give X their medicine”. This may sound sad and pathetic, but I don’t think so.

I think it means that right now things are good, grounded maybe. I don’t need new beginnings? I like the thought of that; the idea that I’m not in a temporary place. It could also mean that I’ve grown up and don’t believe in magic anymore. But I’ll choose the less pessimistic view for now. Still there is something pure about a new year, well, once one has come out of the drunken haze of the previous year that is. Not for me. I drove home in a very clairvoyant attitude.

One thing that has always struck me as odd, however, is “year-end reviews.” I saw one on the “Today Show” this morning…. worthless. Maybe they are supposed to be. Then again, I have trouble remembering what I ate for dinner a few nights ago. Forget something that happened back in February, it’s no longer categorized. The big events, sure. Special events, no problem, but honestly, I’ve always preferred the feeling of a moment rather than the actual events. Like a warm drink on a cold night with a cozy blanket, you don’t remember every night like that, but a general feeling of home and security during the winter. That’s how my consciousness works, I guess.

As I drove home today, I tried to construct so said “year-end review.” I think I probably could have done it, but I settled on creating a top five soundtrack for the year.
Talking Heads “This Must Be The Place”

Beirut “Elephant Gun” and “Scenic World”

The National “Abel”

Andrew Bird “Plasticities”

Broken Social Scene “Stars and Sons”

This holiday I’ve been very introspective, I think. Maybe a little too serious. I’ve been thinking a lot about birth and death. I’ve been pretty close to death these past two weeks, not me personally, but close to those dying. Its just part of the job, I guess. They say that medical professionals have a tendency to depersonalize, thinking of patients in terms of their disease processes rather than individual traits and personalities. I can see that. I think I’ve done that recently. That’s a hard thing to bear, I think, and somewhat shaming. Knowing that a person before you, you may or may not have thought of as their own unique individual. Its a coping technique, I know. Still, its a hard thing to put my head around. I hope that each person I’ve made as comfortable as possible and that I’ve treated as respectfully as I can.

Being close to death makes you think a lot about your own death, I think. I don’t want to be in a hospital when I die. I don’t want to be around strangers without family or my dogs, but I don’t want to make those close to me watch me die either. I don’t want to die alone with tubes and monitors or breathing machines and constant noise. I don’t want to die and immediately be put in a bag and shipped to the morgue only to know that my room will soon be occupied by someone else who may or may not die there, too. It’s a pessimistic notion, I realize. Except, I think that at times hospitals give a very pessimistic view of life. It can be hopeful, too, but not this week. At least not for me. Anyway, as far as the birth thing. I’ve been surrounded by new life and young kids this week; that can always bring one out of the doom and gloom perspective. Circle of life, I guess. While I can appreciate that and the presence of little one, I’m not yet willing to add to that circle, but maybe someday.

I had a crazy dream last night. I can’t remember all of it, but I know it incorporated my holiday theme of frequent scene changes and quite possibly every single person I know. It was almost as crazy as this Damien Rice video for “Nine Crimes”. One of my favorite songs these days.

Another favorite is this song by The Weepies “World Spins Madly On”. I’ll share that with you, too. You may just see a similar theme here of doom and gloom, but I’m not going to think too hard about it right now. I’ll save the happy tunes for my Yelapa and Italy trips! That’s right folks. If the price is right I may be going to Italy in August!! Too many balls in the air for a definite right now, but let’s just say the percentage is in favor of going. My god it’s Italy for crying out loud!!!!!

I PASSED!!!!!

Statement B: Contrary to this, there will be days that ABSOLUTELY decide the course of your life.

Now you may personally agree or disagree with the above statements. Some would say that every decision has an effect on a persons life course. I would argue that sitting at home all day watching “The Wire” does not directly affect my the direction of my life. Now if I decided to sit at home all day watching said TV show and eating several large bags of potato chips that might be a different story, as it would directly affect my health status, thereby affecting my longevity. In contrast to this, having a baby or getting in a major car accident would absolutely decide the course of the rest of my life. In general, I would say my proclivity is to agree partly with statement A and most definitely with statement B.

Why am I being philosophically vague and not to mention strange? No, no, no, I am not pregnant. It would, however, most definitely be due to the fact that I have recently had a bout with a certain NCLEX test this morning. Not sure what this is. Let me decipher it for you.

The NCLEX is an incredibly obnoxious test that can either be 75 or 265 questions, in which you can either pass or fail within 6 hours. If you get 75 questions you may have passed OR you may have done so poorly the computer decided you would be an INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS nurse. Now if you get 265 you may have needed more questions to decide your fate or you did very poorly.

On top of this there are various types of questions: regular multiple choice ones, calculations, diagrams, or SELECT ALL THAT APPLY!!! Yes, that’s right there are multiple choice questions that allow you to select up to FIVE right answers and if you miss one right answer you fail the entire question. This might not be so bad, if for instance, your test had one, two, maybe even a handful of this type of question. But it is extraordinarily discouraging when your test is composed of nearly 50% of these questions. That’s right I would guesstimate 50% (not an over-exaggeration).

Oh, and I forgot the best part. . . after taking such a test you don’t get to see your results. You must wait 2 business days and then pay $7.95 for YOUR results. This is mind-boggling to me. The first being in the age of advanced computer technology a test designed to calculate your score WHILE you are taking it, and shut off at a certain point if a passing score is achieved or not, and it cannot tell you your score immediately. Of course it could be that the company chooses not to show the results in case a crazy nursing student has suicidal, or even homicidal, tendencies. Not knowing the results after the computer shuts off is hair-raising yes, but what is worse is paying 8 bucks to get said results. 8 BUCKS! Did I not already shell out a bazillion dollars already to take the stupid thing now I have to pay 8 BUCKS to have a little sanity and piece of mind by receiving my OWN test results. I find this to be simply illogical.

In the test-nazi’s defense I guess I don’t have to wait months for my paper results to be calculated and it only took an hour and a half to take the test rather than two days. But I still maintain my right to be peeved-off, regardless.

So returning to my initial statements, today could be/most definitely is one of those days that changes the course of my life. Or it could be another day that I had to take a silly little test. I think I’m going with the former, rather than the latter. I’ll be sure to let you know my decision in 2 business days once I’ve shelled out some more cash. Dum spiro, spero.

Hope all is well for you.

Disclaimer: All statements made above could quite possibly to post-test anxiety and not the real opinion of this blogger.

The past few weeks since finishing school have been a whirlwind. I could provide you with every minute detail, but, frankly, that will most definitely bore the pants off of you. Just know I’ve had some great visits catching up with old friends and family. All of whom were probably feeling neglected by me during my vacation to the abyss (re: nursing school).

Since finishing, I have returned to knitting, which also was neglected. Below is a picture of a gorgeous beaded scarf, I finished a few days ago. Very simple pattern. The most laborious part was moving all the beads down when I needed some more yarn. That is it. No decreases, no funky pattern, just knitting, counting, and adding some beads. Frankly folks, you can do this! You’ll probably look way more cha-cha in it than I. My boring self just doesn’t do it justice.

Isn’t it impressive.

I’ve also started working on a sweater. Its a 2X2 raglan sweater from Sally Melville’s Purl book. I had the pleasure of taking Sally’s class a few weeks ago and getting her expertise in purchasing yarn for this project. I selected Classic Elite in Avocado, maybe. Its a 50% wool, 50% bamboo yarn. Let me tell you, this stuff is glorious. It may not be Touch Me yarn, but its fabulous. So silky. I just want to cover myself in it. Can’t wait to finish the sweater.

Now for the bad news. I took Nicodemus to the vet today. In the last year, definitely in the past few months, J. and I have notice Nico has lost some weight. Concerned, we got him into the vet today. Initially we suspected worms, but Persephone isn’t acting sick. Then we suspected a thyroid problem. Sadly, wrong again. Today I find out he has kidney failure. I didn’t even think about it. So, he has to be hospitalized for the next two days and then a special diet and monitoring. Poor guy.

In fact, I am utterly amazed everyday that I am still married. Wouldn’t call it marital bliss these past few months (at least on my part, J’s been sweet as always), that’s for sure, but wedded we still are. Contrary to popular belief J. did NOT leave me because I talked about nursing ALL THE TIME. Nor did he decide to boot me from the house for emotional roller-coasters and stress-related breakdowns. He could/should have, but he persevered. Although, I think I lost my serenade privileges.

So what is different today than the all the other days of absurdity that I did not post. Good question. Today is substantial for three reasons. First - today I completed two important tasks to bring me to the end of my nursing school career. I took my Exit HESI (or as I like to call it - standardized test from hell) and I did not fail it but actually scored pretty good. Then I presented my senior assignment project on Postpartum Depression at the SIUE Senior Assignment Showcase. In simpler terms, I rocked an elitist presentation of top undergraduate presenters from 26 university departments. Keep in mind when I say “rocked” I mean I didn’t embarrass myself completely. Although there was a filming incident posted on youtube at a future date to which I may change my opinion. The second reason today is different is that I have only 10 more days of nursing school! Man I am relieved! You would think the last 8 weeks would be easy breezy, but were they ever rocked with scandal. I’ll tell you. There was a point when I was worried my career would be flushed down the royal commode. As I am 100% positive I will graduate with honors, I no longer fret. Thirdly, due to my good fortune, I have broken into the sauce and cranking up the radio. Its time to return to sanity. And man, oh man, I have missed what little I had.

Updates
I know you’ve been waiting for them…..

No job, yet. But I believe I shall have an interview soon. I’m not stressing it. I believe I just have to apply at my current place and I’ll be set.

New construction on the kitchen. This weekend we (I use this term liberally seeing as it does not necessarily imply I did the work, but more oversaw the process) installed a new oven. No more sparking dishes for me! Also we (again, see above) installed the pass-through countertop. It really pulls the rooms together, in my opinion. I can with accuracy claim that I was hard at work with Evelyn putting a puzzle together.

More updates as they happen!

This time, however, instead of making the sock too big, I made it just slightly too small, noticed mostly in the heel. The error occurred while watching the final few season three episodes of Deadwood. I completely missed the directions to decrease every other row. Lucky for me, I have one foot that is freakishly a whole shoe-size smaller than the other. Knitting disaster averted! I just love the pattern. So much green.

Before I end this much shorter post (courtesy of grumpy you-know-who, that insultingly stated he skimmed (!) my entries), I thought I would leave you with Sigma’s commonplace, but always perfect moment. Enjoy!

In previous posts, many of you will remember I have started a new job. Last night marked a very momentous occasion…I am now on my own delivering primary care on a post-surgical floor. What does this jargon mean? Well, namely, that I will be taking vital signs (temperature, blood pressure, pulse, and respirations) every four hours on a number of patients (ranging from one to, HOPEFULLY, no more than twelve), walking people to the bathroom, giving bed baths, doing finger sticks on people with diabetes, etc., etc. This might be considered the grunt work of nursing and, well, it certainly isn’t always pleasant or aromatic, but it is desperately needed and, not to brag or anything, but I am sure I do it with a certain flair (like the flair of a sinking ship). But seriously, I am enjoying my job and getting pretty good at it, a side from the unfortunate incidence of causing a fellow co-worker to suffer a urine-soaked backside and waking up every few hours because I could not remember if I included the finger sticks on a patient in report the night before. These are mere peanuts in my quest for patient care excellence, however.

Along with the positives of a new career, namely financial stability and general life purpose, of course, comes some major downfalls, particularly around the holiday time. My vacationing was unfortunately cut short a week early. This sadly, is what I have to look forward to for a while, or possibly the rest of my life. On the upside, however, is holiday pay and shift differential. Oh, sweet holiday pay. Oh, glorious shift differential. May you both be destined to relieve my constantly accruing education debt. Outlook looks good for a debt-free me.

Although I speak with self-indulging pity about my reduced lounging and knitting time, I have been quite busy. Prior to now my holiday creations could not be revealed for the sake of bringing cheer and the element of surprise to all gifts. As the gift-giving is winding down I present to you two of my outstanding creations: “le bibi rouge” and “feuilleton a domicile” (pardon the french, but I am trying impress you. If, however, you speak french fluently, I am sure I have failed in that endeavor.) Moving on, here is one of the fabulous items modeled by its recipient courtesy of her parents (who, hopefully, will not kill me for this public display of their daughter). These items are certainly not 100% original, but I did add my own sense of style and gourmet talent to each and every item.

A final piece of interest is updates on the bedroom construction. The closet has been built and the first coat of ceiling paint has been applied. I tell you, wonders never cease. It may just be ready by 2009! But seriously folks, while these pictures may not look like much they are a major improvement to the room’s original condition. I cringe at the thought of those frilly curtains, bright blue paint, and claustrophobia-inducing ceilings! Our engineer in this picture seems to be cringing for other reasons, or rather, rueing the day I got a new camera.

Here is Ms. Condom Cozy, a recently created holiday gift:

Capable of holding condoms, or perhaps for the less promiscuous, pens (see below).

I cannot take full credit for this creation, of course. It was presented to me in one of last years gifts of fabulousness, “Naughty Needles,” by Nikol Lohr. I cannot say with certainty if I will make any more of the books creations, but it is quite something, to say the least.

As I am about to embark on holiday travel at this very minute, I will leave you with some holiday cheer and, quite possibly, a seizure.

Happy Holidays!